11:58 p.m. - 2008-07-16
\"Would you choose water over wine? Hold the wheel and drive.\"
I am going to be straight forward here. I know that sometimes I sound like one of those spoiled brats who just complain and complain about nothing. What do I have to complain about when I go to college, have an almost brand new car and have a job? Well truth is, I have tons of other heart aches and problems (besides the self-esteem/depression and asshole father issues) that I don't even have the nerve to talk about on this blog. My life is very complicated, and has been ever since I could remember. It's one of those things where you wish you knew how to express and talk about but don't know how to. For example, just the other day, my asshole father went outside and made a scene in front of everybody, just because I was getting in my car to go drive to the train station...it's one of those things where you have to be there and see it for yourself to understand. That is my life.
...on that note i'm going to say that things have been better for me, personally at least. I have been learning to take matters into my own hands and have done so quite well, I might say. I drive myself to work all the way up in the North Shore everyday, I work by myself at the office ( and not with mom anymore because she hurt herself and is about to go on disability) just fine, I go to the bank and handle my business by myself and without any direction, I go to school and take care of business on my own...so needless to say, I am way more independent than I used to be and am pretty proud of that. It may do some good for my self-esteem as well. It does get stressful at times though, I'm not going to lie. Case in point, I hadn't really been eating well all that much. My diet these days pretty much consist of cookies, ice cream and cigarettes. I have lost a tiny bit of weight because of that too. I have also been pretty tired and worn out from it. For example, these days whenever I come home from work, I pretty much take death naps where I pass out at 6 pm and don't wake up until 11 pm...tonight was actually one of those nights. Haha.
I do not mind this at all though. I like proving people wrong and boosting my own self-confidence, I like having the upper hand, I like gathering enough balls to do what I have to without any questioning...and that is exactly what i've been doing. So eventhough this all may get very stressful and demanding for me, at the end of the day I am able to just breathe a big sigh of relief and just say to myself ( as Incubus would put it) "whatever tommorrow brings, i'll be there." I know that was a pretty cheesy and cliche line to rip off of, but it's so true.
So what's next for me? Next weekend I may be heading out upstate for Sister Weekend. I will also continue working and whatnot until the end of August when i'll be heading back to school. That in itself will be pretty hectic, but my fingers are crossed and I hope that I could get through it. And that is it, my friends.
